Beauty School : Meg 2: The Trench Review: Unforgivably Idiotic

What were we expecting from this movie?

Meg 2: The Trench is the sequel to 2018 sci-fi actioner The Meg, which featured Jason Statham facing off against a gigantic shark. Now, it’s time for more sharks and more stupidity in a sequel that nobody really asked for or needs to see. Although the original film had some fun moments and enough entertainment for a guilty pleasure, you’ll be the guilty one if you enjoy any part of this inane aquatic drivel.

Meg 2: The Trench opens with a tongue-in-cheek translation of Qui-Gon Jinn’s famous quote, “There’s always a bigger fish.” The image of a giant Megalodon eating a T-rex is hilarious, and this movie should have leaned more into that tone. But the rest of the movie takes quite a departure from the previous movie. For the same reason nobody went to see Jurassic World: Dominion to watch a plot about locusts, nobody goes to Meg 2: The Trench for a vague story about rogue mining operations and the conspiracy surrounding it. This is an exceedingly random storyline for a $129 million B-movie — more Under Siege than Jaws.

Jason Statham reprises his role as Jason Statham — i.e. the same tough guy role he’s played for decades. We’ve already seen him play this guy earlier this year in Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre and Fast X. Even though it’s fun to watch him play up his smoldering and one-liners, one wonders if he’ll ever step out of his comfort zone. This movie features all your classic Statham charm and not much else.

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One noticeable exclusion from Meg 2: The Trench is Li Bingbing as Suyin Zhang, who was set up as a love interest for Jonas in the first movie. The actress did not return to this film for undisclosed reasons, and this is explained when the movie claims her character died before this film. This could have been used as a key emotional plot point, but it’s only briefly touched on. Her role in the story is replaced by her brother Jiuming, portrayed by famous Chinese actor Wu Jing. He may be a talented actor, but his comic relief is not strong enough to carry this movie.

Speaking of the characters, nobody in Meg 2 is interesting to watch. Everyone simply serves as a vehicle for a story that’s not strong enough to compensate. Page Kennedy returns in this movie as DJ, and he gets to fight people and shoot guns in this film. The only reason he knows how to do these things is because the script required him to for the plot to move forward. The rest of the hero characters have very little personality. Even though audiences may not go to a Meg movie for fully realized character relationships, this film doesn’t even have enough of the shark action that you would expect.

As alluded to earlier, Meg 2 takes a departure from the original film. Most of the film is spent underwater with sea creatures showing up every once in a while to jump scare the audience. This film features more of Statham’s combat abilities because the filmmakers decided that a giant shark wasn’t enough of a villainous presence. Instead, this movie throws in a set of human villains — complete with an evil mastermind, a double agent, a long stream of evil mercenaries, and new vicious creatures. (Yeah — there are a lot!) The antagonistic force in this movie is wildly unfocused. The inclusion of these human bad guys feels like an afterthought when they’re this boring, one-dimensional, and forgettable.

Jonas barely spends any time battling them, either. Because in the film’s final act, it finally remembers to be a shark flick and gives audiences the human chomping they’ve waited for. It feels like a grander version of the finale from the first picture, with more sharks, more creatures, and more characters. All of the action is unforgivably idiotic, and with a hero as invulnerable as Jonas, you don’t find yourself worried about him. He’s Jason Statham: Indestructible Action Hero. You never worry for a second because he’s always on top of the situation.

This exceedingly dumb, simple script is the lowest common denominator for a summer blockbuster. Meg 2: The Trench has a few enjoyable moments mainly in the final act, but this is the most reductive popcorn entertainment you can imagine. The story drags in the second act — you’ll wonder how being stuck underwater with sharks could be this dull. Setups and payoffs are uninspired, like introducing a very cool exoskeleton suit that somehow never gets used to take down a Megalodon. A few awkwardly directed performances and hilariously cliché dialogue might have you chuckling at this movie’s expense, with the unintentional humor landing better than the intentional jokes.

You can’t expect high art from a Meg movie, but you shouldn’t be getting a movie with no bite.